You! the revenge seeker. were you actually bullied? or just not hailed? did they actually seek your downfall? or did it look more like this: they talk polite with you. they look around while they talk and their body points elsewhere. somebody else walked by, they made an excuse. you hear laughter across the room. were you excluded? you waited for somebody to formally invite you.
Revenge seeker, I know this: the only way you have fun is to feel like someone’s king. to have them describe you with powerful words, the words people use in the books you read. books are better, you think. books are more real. in books they use superlatives. in real life they just say, “that’s nice”.
you deride them for being insincere. you watch them closely. they laugh too quick, then back to frowning. how could that be joy? then sadness. so quick! like realty tv. it must be a farce. it must be a farce. and their intimacy is forced. yours, it unwinds over the course of an evening. yours is proclaimed. for them? nobody gasped. no cameras cut.
you can show the same clip of a housing project on facebook, with two different soundtracks: a cheery one and a hopeless one. the comments look different, much different. the commenters themselves blissfully unaware that it’s the music they selected for, not the image. it’s the music.
have you considered it’s the music you hear in your head, which makes the books you read so much better than real life? have you considered, I sound insincere because I say “i love you” without a soundtrack that proclaims: it’s that time! i say “i need you” without a held gaze at 3 AM. i have fun even if it wont go in the guiness records, in the craziest night alive. have you considered, the superlatives you crave arent real? theyre soundtracks, fake. me and my insincere reality stars, happy on a dime
and who is God, then? does God be, or does God do? God is a realty star. you’re miserable, revenge seeker. God is happy on a dime. God is the story you can do. the territory, behind the soundtracks and simulations